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lifes amazing. it truely is.
times are hard. but overall
im blessed beyond belief.

i've never felt so betrayed in my life. the one person i could always count on, who i could tell anything and everything to has totally changed into someone i don't even know anymore. i've always had a problem trusting anyone. once you get screwed over its hard to put trust in anyone anymore. words can't explain how i feel right now. i don't know if talking abt it anymore will help or not. times are changing and so am i. im done being walked over and taken advantage of. im taking a stand and its starting now. im done trying to make everyone else happy while on the inside im tearing myself apart. take me for who i am or leave me it makes no difference. i feel as who i've been these past three months haven't been fully me and for that i am sorry. im sure there are things i did and said that have hurt people and i do regret that but i learn from my mistakes.

ugh.

so its venting time again. ever had one of those days where you feel like nothing you do is going to be good enough so why try? yea me too. its like work is never ending and im never going to live up to anything so why give it my all when ill be burned and shit talked the whole time. sometimes at home i know im not perfect. i do get yelled at. it just gets old i guess. i have an amazing bf but he lives five hours away. it all caught up with me last night. hello my life isn't perfect to all who think it is. there i said it. looks aren't everything. popularity is nothing. friends will leave during the hard times. secrets will get out. people will eventually find you out. most of the time they already have you prejudged from the get go. music seems to be my escape. the words aren't always there its the beat that gets me going. i hate it when guys know you have a bf yet still test you to see how far you'll go. ive been fucked over so hell no im not going to do that to anyone else. let me be happy for once. fake people get to me real quick. i don't quite fit in here. i know this. im going to tell you the truth about things. ill even tell you my opinion i don't care if its what you want to hear or not. i will give you space when its needed just know i do it with love. i don't know what i want to do in life. the thought scares me. don't think you know me just bc you've seen me. so basically im fed up. with life. get used to it i know.

ever feel like your life isn't really yours? like everymove you make is being watched? being judged? even though someone trust you how far will there trust go. can you really even trust yourself anymore? i need closure. closure from my past but am i strong enough to get it? should i just let it be? drama is not my friend and i avoid it at all cost. but if there's something you'll always wonder what if don't you need closure? is it really possible for a guy and girl to really be just friends even if you've had a past? some days i say yes others no.